BREATHE... a journal

This blog is a preview for my memoirs. Sort of a journal. I like to post some of my ideas and inspirations here.

The journal has about 145 pages written so far and will also feature some of my artwork and pictures. Not a book. Not a comic book. CHAOTIC, like me.

As you can see, I am not writing in a typical format. The pages might look like poems but it's simply because I like things short and simple. Clean.

If you have ever experienced depression, you know that reading a book with pages filled with words is discouraging and you quickly lose interest...

BREATHE focuses on what I have learned and experienced so far, after the loss of my dad and the depression that followed.
I started writing to vent, but it has led me to knowing myself a bit better-- my limits, my dreams.

-Janie

Wednesday, March 31, 2010

Not Cured


From the look of my blog, it seems like I may have fallen from the planet... but I am still here.
Breathing and trying to manage it all.
Life that is. With all its twists and turns.
This means I can see light at the end of the tunnel but I am not out. Not yet.

My inspiration to create is often overshadowed
by self-doubt and anxiety.
And in turn my physical health suffers as well. I am tired and aching.
Constantly bombarded with questions by my healthcare system,
afraid I might be cheating them.
My depression is in remission, that's a good sign.
But I am not "cured". Not yet.
Then again life can't be "cured", just managed.

I still have problems getting up in the morning.
I still get anxious when I step out of my home.
I can't even concentrate on a good book.
I used to be able to multitask
but now I have problems with ADD....
I used to be able to spend countless hours on a painting
but now I just want to get it over with...
Chores and bills are daunting and never-ending.
Appointments are repetitive but necessary.
Medication is now part of my routine.
Inspirational bouts are what I am living for.

Yeah, I can manage.
But I'm not cured.

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