Creative Process

~ . + . ~

The CREATIVE process

is one of SURRENDER,

NOT control.

~ . + . ~

I have printed a 6th version of my journal

Never satisfied with the result, I keep tweaking

every page, drawing and adding notes.

The content so far goes a little like this:

TABLE OF CONTENTS.

PREFACE

ABOUT...

i.

ii.

iii.

iv.

chapter one. APOCALYPSE

NUMB

SHOCK

STARING INTO EMPTINESS

THE FUNERAL

chapter two. PERIOD OF UTTER AND TOTAL DENIAL

TWO YEARS LATER

SURVIVING

SPREADING MY WINGS

chapter three. IT BEGINS

LET IT OUT

LATER THAT NIGHT

MISS GOODIE-TWO-SHOES

*SIGH*

IT’S JUST TIME

ALL I WANT IS MY DAD BACK

WHEN I WAS 15...

SOMEONE ONCE TOLD ME

GRAND-MAMAN

I DON’T TALK

COMES THERAPY

HEARTACHE

FAMIILY TO THE RESCUE... AGAIN!

I KNOW, I KNOW!

THE REST OF THAT SUMMER

chapter four. WHAT IT FEELS LIKE

SUFFERING DEPRESSION

I’M STUCK

I FEEL...

>_<;

ALONE

“HAPPY” PILLS

IT’S “JUST” ANXIETY

NEVERMORE

SINKING

RESURFACING

POURING MY HEART OUT

VIDEO TRANSCRIPTIONS

chapter five. RELATIONSHIPS & INFATUATIONS

A GOOD DAY

MEET CUTE

SICKENING VISUAL POETRY

LIVE. LOVE. LEARN.

COMES LOVE

NOTHING CAN BE DONE

BACK HOME

chapter six. THOUGHTS & MUSINGS

FEAR

LEARNING TO LET GO

VENTING

DAMN DREAMS

AHH TATTOOS...

chapter seven. SELF-QUESTIONING

ONE CHANCE

SELF-QUESTIONNING

PROUST

MORE QUESTIONS

IT JUST HAS TO WORK

chapter eight. INSPIRATION

INSPIRE ME

ARTISTS

JOHN LENNON

JOHN MAYER

MICHAEL BUBLÉ

chapter nine. REBIRTH

WHAT’S AN ARTIST?

chapter ten. SEEKING SIMPLICITY

OM

WANT MORE, SUFFER MORE

Move

WORDS OF WISDOM

I can't understand how some writers

release more than one book per year!

Not just books: BRICKS!

A simple example would be Meg Cabot,

whom my sister love! She releases series

for adults, teenagers... and under more pen-names!

(Must stop comparing myself to others)

Not Cured

From the look of my blog, it seems like I may have fallen from the planet... but I am still here.
Breathing and trying to manage it all.

Life that is. With all its twists and turns.
This means I can see light at the end of the tunnel but I am not out. Not yet.

My inspiration to create is often overshadowed

by self-doubt and anxiety.
And in turn my physical health suffers as well. I am tired and aching.
Constantly bombarded with questions by my healthcare system,

afraid I might be cheating them.
My depression is in remission, that's a good sign.

But I am not "cured". Not yet.
Then again life can't be "cured", just managed.

I still have problems getting up in the morning.
I still get anxious when I step out of my home.
I can't even concentrate on a good book.
I used to be able to multitask

but now I have problems with ADD....
I used to be able to spend countless hours on a painting
but now I just want to get it over with...
Chores and bills are daunting and never-ending.
Appointments are repetitive but necessary.
Medication is now part of my routine.
Inspirational bouts are what I am living for.

Yeah, I can manage.
But I'm not cured.

Peace Returned

I'd been having a rough day...

so I decided to go for a drive.

Something led me to the cemetery.

I miss my dad...

my grandparents.

I keep telling myself

that they aren't there.

They're everywhere...

It somehow helps.

The most peaceful place on earth.

I cried. I even smiled...

was someone there to hear me?

Console me?

Maybe...

Peace returned.

<3

In Vain

So many thoughts flashing through my head

So many dreams passing through my mind

A heart bursting with desires

Or broken to millions of pieces

Unable to fulfill its destiny

Leaving me alone and unwanted

Chasing love in all the wrong places

Or burning my candle at both ends

If only you knew

If only you did

Then all this will not have been in vain...

Breathe... a preview!

I have finally gathered up the courage

(along with my therapist's encouragements)

to send a preview of my book/journal to a publisher!

Now here's my dilemma...

it's not a regular book,

it's not a comic book,

it's me on paper,

CHAOS and all!

Usually publishers go for one or the other...

But I am hopeful and positive

that there's a public out there for it.

Here's the first (PDF) preview... :)

Still Breathing

A hundred and thirty-five pages into my book...

I am not entirely done but my therapist has encouraged me to prepare something to be sent to a publisher soon.

Perhaps learning about rejection and the way I might react is what he is curious about... then again, so am I.

Accepting criticism of my work, not as a personal attack but constructive opinion. This is what I have to keep in mind, I know.

But so much of myself has gone into this journal... I might not help but take it a bit personally.

But I'll cross that bridge when I come to it.

Stevie Ray Vaughan

Another inspiration, another idol who passed away before his time.

I can listen to his music for hours! Stevie Ray Vaughan. 1954-1990.